2015 will be a year I’ll always remember. Someday, I’ll sit down with my kids and tell them about the year that changed my life. I’ll tell them about first dates and heartbreak; living a life without anxiety; becoming an introvert; receiving a God-given passion; letting go of someone you thought would always stay; and Jesus becoming my Groom. It was the year when I was reborn, perceiving the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father in a completely different way. It was the year when Romans 8:28 became my anthem, and how I had to constantly write “Be Still” on everything, because paralysis by analysis got the best of me.
For the past month, 2015 has been a whole lot of healing. I think everyone desires to have someone see past our exterior and look into the deep places of our heart. I’ve always wanted to be known and loved for who I am. Back in high school, I pretended to be someone I was not for far too long. Now, I find myself fearful of letting my guard down, because there’s a chance more people will say I am too profound and sensitive.
Here’s what I learned the hard way: Don’t hold the pain in. If you keep your guard up for too long, pain comes nine months later and hits you in the head with a brick, when in reality, everything should have been resolved by then.
I walked back to my dorm one November night, and all I could hear was the cold whisper, “You’re not worth staying for.” I grew angry, I was bitter, and my tear ducts were so tired from being at constant work.
Oh, what a lie that was. Because as a little light shined directly onto my heart, in the shape of a cross, Jesus began to say, “My Beloved, let me heal you.” Jesus took me below the surface and showed me what was really going on in my heart. I was tired of falling for counterfeit fillers, when it really needed to be Jesus to make me whole. He already won this fight for me, so why was I trying to figure it all out under my own power and strength?
The feelings we have, the circumstances that are occurring, it means something to us. Whenever we give someone something that has meaning to us, it’s an even deeper connection. We expect instant healing and gratification once we come to Jesus, but healing is not meant to be a sprint. It’s a marathon filled with an intimacy we get to experience with Jesus. We are engaging with Him, working with Him through this process knowing Him better, and identifying ourselves with Him. By not rushing things, and healing this way, Jesus can give us something even more beautiful in the place of that. He replaces the pain with an incredible relationship.
Jesus says in Mark 10:45, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” During this healing marathon, waiting patiently for all the chaos and confusion to pass by, we can still honor God though loving others. Love others to the point of how you want to be loved. When you are feeling hopeless, text your friends and tell them how much Jesus loves them. When you’re overwhelmed by the evil in the world, rock a baby to sleep and watch God’s mercy unfold. When you’re too tired to do anything, get up and clean the kitchen for your mom. I promise you, from previous experience, your mood changes.
“The moment you start focusing on another person’s happiness is the way to bring happiness to your own self.”-Brian Houston
I’ve recently been interested in art. Expressing yourself in different ways is something I value highly, but you can only write so many poems on a broken heart. During my regular Pinterest binge, I came across a Japanese art called Kintsukuroi. Kintsukuroi means “to repair with gold”; the art of replacing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
The description of the word just screams the Gospel.
God created us to be righteous and sanctified reflections of Himself, but because of sin, we are weary and broken. Although God has every right to throw us out, His mercy reigns as He picks up our pieces and restores us. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4,“7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”
We are much like “jars of clay” that can be easily broken, resulting in many scars. However, we are not put back together in the same way. Paul then goes on to say, “16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
Our cracks have been filled with the precious love of Jesus Christ, and one day He will make all things new the same way he repaired our souls. Jesus is the only Living Water and Bread of Life. Therefore, He is the only One who can satisfy our deepest hunger and thirst. No other can bring beauty from ashes. No other can dress you in white. No other can fill the holes between shattered hearts with Love more valuable than gold.
His healing hands makes us all beautiful again.
Happy New Year!